Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
