So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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