Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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