I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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