My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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