im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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