I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
