I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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