.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
