ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
