best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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