is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
