he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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