It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wear drunk well.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
