Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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