got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
