i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
