I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
