this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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