Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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