You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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