If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
