Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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