when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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