Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
