i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
