he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
