I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
