i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
