...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
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She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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