God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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