I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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