Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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