I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
