Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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