I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
