If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
