And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
