Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
