Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
