Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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