Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
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I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
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I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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