i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
