Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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