even my farts smell like vagina
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
