I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
