woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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