She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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