did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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