I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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