we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
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Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
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I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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