Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
