So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I want a musical about memes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
