well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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