i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
