do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
