Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
