Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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