I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
