I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
