Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
