I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
