when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
