do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Drunk is not a location!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
