Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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