I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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